Aliens are sabotaging British and US nuclear missiles, US military pilots claim

| Posted in Funny News |


Six retired officers and one former non-commissioned officer claim to have gathered witness testimonies from more than 120 military personnel revealing the infiltration of nuclear sites by aliens as recently as 2003.

In some cases, nuclear missiles supposedly malfunctioned while a disc-shaped object hovered nearby.

Captain Robert Salas, a former Intercontinental Ballistic Missile Launch officer, said he was on duty during one missile disruption incident at Malmstrom Air Force Base in Montana in 1967.

“An object came over and hovered directly over the site,” he said.

“The missiles shut down – 10 Minuteman missiles. And the same thing happened at another site a week later. There’s a strong interest in our missiles by these objects, wherever they come from.

“I personally think they’re not from planet Earth.”

He said he was ordered to never discuss it: “The US Air Force is lying about the national security implications of unidentified aerial objects at nuclear bases and we can prove it.”

Colonel Charles Halt said he watched Unidentified Flying Objects directing beams of light into RAF Bentwaters airbase near Ipswich and heard on the radio that they landed in the nuclear weapons storage area.

Col Halt said: “I believe that the security services of both the United States and the United Kingdom have attempted – both then and now – to subvert the significance of what occurred at RAF Bentwaters by the use of well-practised methods of disinformation.”

The group of officers said they would distribute declassified government documents on Monday that would prove there had been alien interference at nuclear weapons sites stretching back to 1948.

Calif. pot farmer sues landlord over stolen crop (AP)

| Posted in Funny News |


MURRIETA, Calif. – A Southern California pot farmer is suing his landlord because his $35,000 indoor marijuana crop was stolen during a break-in. Gary Hite, who rents the 1,892-square-foot unit in a Murrieta business park, filed the Riverside County lawsuit against Hunco Way LLC claiming negligence and breach of contract. Hite’s suit said he grows the marijuana for medicinal purposes.

The Superior Court suit alleges the landlord failed to fix a broken door and lock after a May 17 break-in in a neighboring unit.

The Riverside Press-Enterprise reported burglars entered the open unit on June 7 and smashed through the drywall to get into his marijuana warehouse space.

The suit said 35 plants worth $1,000 each were stolen.

Police said Hite’s pot operation was illegal and he had been cited for various code violations.


Information from: The Press-Enterprise, View the original article here

U.S. apologizes for flying Philippine flag upside down

| Posted in Funny News |



WASHINGTON (Reuters) – The United States government apologized for displaying the Philippine flag upside down at an event in New York attended by President Barack Obama on Friday, calling it an “honest mistake.”

The red-white-and-blue Philippine flag adorned with yellow stars was hanging upside down, with red on top instead of blue, when Obama met his counterpart Philippine President Benigno Aquino during a gathering of the Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN).

In the Philippines, an inverted flag signals the nation is in a state of war.

“This was an honest mistake,” said Rebecca Thompson, U.S. embassy spokesperson in Manila. “The U.S. treasures its close relationship and close partnership with the Philippines.”

Thompson did not say who made the mistake or how it happened.

(Writing by Greg McCune; Editing by Jerry Norton)

Sailor crashes boat for 13th time

| Posted in Funny News |


Glenn Crawley, 55, has repeatedly flipped his catamaran ‘Mischief’ and cost the Royal National Lifeboat Institution (RNLI) £30,000 in a string of rescues.

The retired electrician and engineer began sailing the boat in 2003 and was forced to dial 999 three times in the first year alone. Since then RNLI crews have been called out on a further nine occasions after Mr Crawley’s catamaran turned over, at a cost of at least £2,500 per rescue.

Officials have pleaded with him to give up sailing, with local coastguards calling him ‘Captain Calamity’.

Mr Crawley’s seafaring antics now look over after he crashed his boat for the 13th time in seven years. The 18ft boat has been left in pieces after he attempted to ride Britain’s biggest wave, known as the Cribbar, at Fistral Beach in Newquay.

Mr Crawley tried to sail along the wave, dubbed ‘The Widow Maker’, but his vessel was hit by a giant wall of water and flipped over.

Despite admitting that Mischief is gone, Mr Crawley warned he could soon be back at sea, he still insists he is a ”man of the water” and says his ”extreme sailing” is pushing the boundaries of maritime adventure.

Mr Crawley said: ”People race cars or climb mountains but no one gets on their case.

”I’m the first one to admit I make the occasional mistake but you have to put it in context. People are so keen to criticise, they need to look at the big picture. I’m out there taking risks. I’m pushing the limits and seeing what can be done.

”I do what no one else is doing. So I’d appreciate it if people would get off my case and give me some support.

”If you don’t capsize, you’re not trying hard enough. Go hard or go home, that’s my motto. I’m always going hard. The sea by its very nature is unpredictable. I’m going through a never-ending learning curve.

”Anyway I’ll have a new boat after Christmas. They’re not that expensive. We’re not talking about the Titanic here.”

In 2007 he was rescued four times in four hours by local sailors and coastguards after he flipped his boat.

On one occasion RNLI lifeboat crews found Mr Crawley and his fellow sailor swimming towards the shore having abandoned the boat in the surf.

On the official log for the incident the rescue mission was detailed under the headline ”him again”.

But he finally destroyed Mischief after he took the boat through a crowd of 15 surfers to sail along the Cribbar. Known as Britain’s biggest wave, the 50-tonne wall of water travels at 40mph to shore at Fistral Beach.

The Cribbar occurs just once or twice a year and is created by a low pressure system which causes gigantic swells in the Atlantic.

First World War officially ends

| Posted in Funny News |


The final payment of £59.5 million, writes off the crippling debt that was the price for one world war and laid the foundations for another.

Germany was forced to pay the reparations at the Treaty of Versailles in 1919 as compensation to the war-ravaged nations of Belgium and France and to pay the Allies some of the costs of waging what was then the bloodiest conflict in history, leaving nearly ten million soldiers dead.

The initial sum agreed upon for war damages in 1919 was 226 billion Reichsmarks, a sum later reduced to 132 billion, £22 billion at the time.

The bill would have been settled much earlier had Adolf Hitler not reneged on reparations during his reign.

Hatred of the settlement agreed at Versailles, which crippled Germany as it tried to shape itself into a democracy following armistice, was of significant importance in propelling the Nazis to power.

“On Sunday the last bill is due and the First World War finally, financially at least, terminates for Germany,” said Bild, the country’s biggest selling newspaper.

Most of the money goes to private individuals, pension funds and corporations holding debenture bonds as agreed under the Treaty of Versailles, where Germany was made to sign the ‘war guilt’ clause, accepting blame for the war.

France, which had been ravaged by the war, pushed hardest for the steepest possible fiscal punishment for Germany.

The principal representative of the British Treasury at the Paris Peace Conference, John Maynard Keynes, resigned in June 1919 in protest at the scale of the demands.

“Germany will not be able to formulate correct policy if it cannot finance itself,’ he warned.

When the Wall Street Crash came in 1929, the Weimar Republic spiralled into debt. Four years later, Hitler was elected Chancellor of Germany.

Dresses, weddings and parties — it’s a dog’s life (Reuters)

| Posted in Funny News |


BERLIN (Reuters) – A German woman has come up with a novel idea to give dogs going to weddings or festivals a bit of style.

Nicole-Juliana Schrei-Jakobi has discovered a new market: clothing for dogs. They can now look the part at the Oktoberfest in Lederhosen and dirndls — a traditional dress with a blouse, bodice and apron.

The 36-year-old even has a dog buggy so her own Maltese dog does not get trampled in the crowds of people congregating at Bavaria’s annual beer festival.

For male dogs invited to a wedding she offers dinner jackets with ties, whilst females can don bridal dresses replete with veils and trains or bridesmaid outfits.

Her own dog, Emmily, who recently won first prize for the best-dressed dog in the contest “Germany’s next dog model,” will be wearing one of the bridesmaid dresses soon.

“I’m getting married in October and Emmily will be the bridesmaid,” Schrei-Jakobi told Reuters. “She will of course be appropriately dressed for her role.”

She said demand for her products is growing and people increasingly want extravagant festive clothing for their dogs.

The dog lover also stocks seasonal ranges, with raincoats available for winter and sunglasses for summer.

“The sunglasses with 100 percent ultraviolet protection were a hit last summer,” she said. “Maltese dogs and Chihuahuas have very sensitive eyes, especially if there’s a draught, or if they are in a convertible car. But the sunglasses protect them.”

At Easter Schrei-Jakobi organised a brunch for her customers’ dogs. About 300 people attended the event, at which the dogs were provided with a free buffet and paw massage.

“It went down really well,” she said.

Schrei-Jakibi hopes to open a restaurant catering for the four-legged creatures.

“I want to create a menu for dogs so that there can also eat out when their owners go to a restaurant,” she said.

(Writing by Michelle Martin, editing by Paul Casciato)